Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize