I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
