I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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