Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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