I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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