I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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