note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
