Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
