This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
