i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
