I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
