When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
