Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up under a house in Key West
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
