I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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