I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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