They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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