SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
