drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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