We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
