May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
