Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i think i have two assholes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
