Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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