I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
