I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
