so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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