I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
