I'm gonna have a badass scar
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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