if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize