do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
