Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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