So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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