I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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