I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
