her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
