she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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