The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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