i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
