hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't turn off my feet"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my poor anus
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
