I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
