so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
