I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
