So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
