I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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