I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
