I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just forgot I was standing up.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
