I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
