I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
