I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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