Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
