Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
