Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
