This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
