I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
