i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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