Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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