Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
