I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
