you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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