i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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