I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
