respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
