He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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