now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize