It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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