And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
