I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize