uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
