She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
jump out the window naked night went bad
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