We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mom said you looked used
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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