we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
