No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
