remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
